


best i’ll ever sing

by huangrenjn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, HYUCK, Heartbreak, Kissing, M/M, Piano, pianist!renjun, renhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huangrenjn/pseuds/huangrenjn
Summary: renjun had decided that all his best songs were with donghyuck as his other. That those were the best songs he’d ever sing.





	best i’ll ever sing

**Author's Note:**

> hello !! i wrote this in a few hours so please disregard any typos. i love you all and i hope you enjoy <3
> 
> also: when it refers to renjun writing it means both sheet music and lyrics that he would sing :)

renjun sat at this piano countless times, composing and writing songs. all so beautiful and special in their own little way. it was never hard, it all came so easily to him. even when times were tough, his passion for music and his muse helped balance everything out. 

now, his muse was gone and his passion seemed to slowly drift away. it was like he was stuck out at sea with no boat, and worst of all, no lifejacket. 

this piano used to be his happy place, the place where only he could break himself apart and make him whole again. now, the piano broke him—and it wasn’t going to make him whole. 

this piano held so many memories, so many firsts, so many long nights and short fights. this piano is where he wrote all his best songs. but now, everytime he sat down at that bench, and stared at those keys, all he could do was cry. 

sure, maybe renjun was better off without donghyuck. and sure, maybe they really did bring out the worst in each other, but all the best songs renjun ever wrote, was with donghyuck as his other. 

donghyuck was renjuns muse. he inspired renjun in every possible way. from his eyes, to his smile or the way he laughed. he drew inspiration from donghyucks smooth voice and the little moles on his skin. found beauty in the way he moved his hands when he spoke, the way his eyes lit up over the slightest things or the way the sunlight always melted onto his skin. donghyuck was everything good and beautiful to renjun. he was all he ever needed. 

since the breakup, renjun couldn’t bring himself to write, and the songs he did, he absolutely hated. nothing seemed right. the lyrics would never flow properly, the music would be choppy or off beat. everything was just, horrible. renjun hated it. he felt like he would never write another piece again.

sitting at the piano was hard, some days easier than others but today, today was particularly harder than the rest. renjun walked into the studio and his heart hung low. he felt like there was a weight on his heart, and everytime he breathed, more was added. everything was fuzzy and moved like a blur, he couldn’t concentrate. he felt frustrated, weak. 

renjun sat at that piano for hours just staring. he couldn’t bring himself to write or play. it was as if something was stopping him, telling him he couldn’t do it. that it was useless, because all his best pieces were with donghyuck. 

all renjun wanted to do was write. he just wanted another beautiful song, another beautiful melody, one like he wrote with donghyuck. only, he didn't want it to remind him of donghyuck. he didn’t want it to make him miss him more. he wanted to forget him. 

renjun had decided that he wasn't going to leave his studio until he wrote a song. he was determined to get one written. 

he sat there for another two hours. nothing. he had nothing. no inspiration, no muse. the frustration was beginning to set in and renjun wanted to throw the piano. he settled for few small tears. 

if he couldn’t write, he was going to play. maybe playing would help him draw some inspiration so he could write. renjun lightly laid his fingers on the keys and prepared to play his all time favorite song.

cloud atlas was the very first song renjun learned to play. he heard the piece being performed at a talent show his mother had dragged him to. the second the song began renjun was captivated. the melody was simple but yet so beautiful. after the talent show, renjun begged his mother to enroll him in classes so he could learn the piece. from there, he fell in love with the piano, his first true love. whenever he need to clear his mind or just wanted to feel at peace he would play it. it was like the sound waves acted as tidal waves and washed everything else away. 

renjun pressed his fingers to the keys and began to play. nothing. he stopped. “what the fuck?” he whispered to himself. renjun sat there for a minute and then started to play again. nothing. renjun harshly threw his fingers on the keys and yet nothing. why was no sound coming from them? every time he played it was as if the sound of the keys were slowly drowning. fading away. renjun continued to play, over and over again. but still no sound. 

“what the fuck. what the fuck.” renjun cried. 

no matter how many times he played or how hard he played he couldn't hear anything. renjun was sick of it, frustrated, upset, tired, sad. he banged his hands against the keys. 

a picture of donghyuck flashed through his head. his golden hair, his honey skin and bright smile. the sun slowly setting, the smell of spring, feeling of shock, the studio, donghyuck bumping into him and spilling his sheet music everywhere. 

“oh my god im so sorr- wait do you play the piano?” donghyuck had asked. to which renjun only nodded his head yes.

“can i hear? please? pleaseeee?” donghyuck had begged. despite abruptly meeting, renjun couldn’t resist the gorgeous boy. so he took him into his room within the studio and played him his all time favorite song. donghyuck was blown away with how renjun played. sure the song was beautiful, but watching renjun pour all his emotions into it— making it his own, was gorgeous. 

after renjun played the two talked for what seemed like forever. they hit it of well and had so much in common. renjun made sure to ask for donghyuk number before he left. 

still no sound came from the piano. renjun banged the keys a little harder.

another memory of donghyuck. it was him who has said it first. donghyuck had insisted on staying with renjun until he was done practicing so he could walk him home. they spent a lot of time together now, especially in the studio but donghyuck had never stayed this late. 

their walk home was fairly silent. they had small talk here and there but there was nervousness in the air and they both could feel it. 

the twos hands kept brushing up against each other and it was driving donghyuck wild. eventually he grabbed renjuns and intertwined their fingers. that did things to renjuns heart. it fluttered and skipped a few beats.chills filled his body and covered it with goosebumps. his stomach did flips and he honestly thought he was going to throw up. he liked it.

the two were soon to approach renjuns house and donghyuck knew that it was now or never.

“hey renjun?” donghyuck whispered.

“yeah?” renjun smiled his big beautiful smile as he turned to face donghyuck. god, renjun made him so weak. 

“i like you. like, i like like you. more than just my friend.” 

renjuns smile grew ten times wider, his eyes turning into little crescent moons. he couldn't help but giggle and jump around a little, because he too liked donghyuck. and a whole lot.

“i like you too hyuck.” renjun squeezed donghyucks hand lightly for reassurance. it was safe to say donghyuck was feeling all the same things renjun was. 

when they finally reached renjuns house, he gave hyuck a kiss on the cheek and disappeared for the night. 

still no sound. another bang. 

the studio, leaving the loud party music behind them, the sound of renjun softly playing replacing it, the feeling of the cold air up against their skin, the smell of alcohol stained on their breaths. they sat on top of the piano, staring at each other, hand in hand. donghyuck had dragged renjun out of the party, said it was too stuffy inside and that he wanted to hear renjun play and along the lines of them having more important things to do.

important as in sharing their first kiss. donghyuck had initiated it. softly leaving a quick kiss on renjuns lips. renjun was surprised, but donghyuck was more when he saw renjun leaning in and his lips crashing into donghyucks. 

this kiss was slow, passionate. their was so much love radiating between the two. so much chemistry, electricity, sparks, hell, whatever cheesy thing you can think of, it was there. 

donghyuck pulled renjun into his lap and brought him in closer to deepen the kiss. donghyuck tasted bitter sweet. kissing him was slow and drowning, just like honey—that renjun would gladly sink in any day. 

another bang.

the feeling of warmth, the smell of vanilla, the sun setting through the studio windows—filling the room with orange and pink hughes. 

renjun had spent the whole day in his studio and just like always, donghyuck found his way in, with a bag of snacks and pulling renjun away from his piano and sheet music just for a little bit. 

the two boys sat on the cold hardwood floor, donghyuck eating snacks and telling renjun all about his day and oh how he saw this little brown puppy that reminded him of renjun. renjun drowned it all out because in that moment all he could focus on was how much he loved this. loved spending time with donghyuck, loved sharing these moments with him. how much he loved him. he needed to tell him. fuck perfect timing, that didn’t exist, right now was perfect. 

donghyuck went to go put another chip in his mouth when renjun said it. 

“i love you.” it was so sudden and donghyuck nearly choked.

“like a lot hyuck and i know its really soon and you don't have to feel the same way rn but god i love you. i love you so fucking much. everything about you, your smile, your skin, your laugh, the person you are, the-“ donghyuck kisses renjuns rambling away. and just like all their kisses before, it radiated nothing but love. 

“i love you too silly.”

another bang. 

the feeling of tension, resentment. the sun high, the studio, donghyucks voice yelling. renjun crying. 

if you want the truth, they didnt know why they were fighting. there was just so much going on lately, they didn't have as much time for each other. the tension was growing. renjun had been snappy and frustrated about everything donghyuck was saying that day. he just wanted him to shut up so he could write. 

donghyuck lost it and he just started yelling. it was mess, the two yelling, renjun crying. it went on forever to the end which resulted in renjun crying into donghyucks arms and apologizing over and over again. renjun telling donghyuck how much he loved him. the two  **_promising_ ** it would never happen again. 

bang.

tension, frustration, resentment. donghyuck yelling, renjun crying. 

bang.

tension, frustration, resentment, sadness. donghyuck yelling, renjun yelling. renjun crying. 

bang.

tension, frustration, resentment, sadness, the feeling of not being loved. donghyuck yelling, renjun yelling, renjun sobbing. 

bang. 

tension, frustration, resentment, sadness, the feeling of not being loved, heartbreak. 

the only thing renjun and donghyuck had done for the past month was fight. everyday. even if it was just small bickering, they were fighting. and worst of all, they didnt know why. they brought out the worst in each other.

renjun could tell things were coming to an end. he just didn’t want it to be true. although they fought so much, renjun loved donghyuck more than anything. donghyuck  **_didn't_ ** love renjun as much and it was obvious but renjun didn't want that to be true either. 

renjun had asked donghyuck to come to the studio. he had got him sunflowers as an apology—to make up from all the fights. renjun just wanted them to be back to normal.  **_but that wasn't going to happen._ **

donghyuck walked in and saw the flowers, and immediately started crying. not because he was happy, but because he was going to break up with renjun. 

it happened so fast. those 5 words stung. renjun thought it was a joke, it had to be. donghyuck couldn't be breaking up with him, not after a year with each other. it wasn’t possible. 

but it was possible. donghyuck apologized over and over again saying he's sorry for not being able to do it any longer. he’s sorry he didn't love him the same way anymore.

renjun never cried more than he did that night. he screamed and he kicked and he cried but nothing eased the pain. everything hurt, he wanted to disappear. he wanted to never love again. his first kiss, his first boyfriend, his second love, gone. it stung and it burned. renjun thought his heart was going to give out, but it never did. 

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. renjun was throwing his fist all over the keys. his hands red and his face burning with tears. he hit the keys repeatedly. over and over again. until finally—sound. 

it wasn't pretty at all it was just a bunch of clamoring really. but renjun kept hitting the keys, tears streaming down his face. sound, sound. finally. 

renjun began to play his favorite piece. letting the sound wash over him. filling him with peace and sadness. even with tears streaming down his face he still managed to play it as beautifully as ever. 

when he was finished, renjun sank to the floor and sobbed. as much as he hated to admit it, he missed donghyuck. he missed him so much. 

it was like donghyuck was stood in the shadows. his presence and memory constantly residing over renjun. it was overbearing. 

maybe they really did bring out the worst in each other, they had a million stops and a million memories together—especially with this piano,in this studio. after a lot of thinking and self arguments, renjun had decided that all his best songs were with donghyuck as his other. That those were the best songs he’d ever sing.

until he moved studios and bought a new piano. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> as sad as it sounds, not all love lasts forever. heartbreak comes and heartbreak goes. you’ll get better, i promise you. please remember that you do deserve love and that the love you deserve is happy and healthy. thank you for reading, i love you all.
> 
> p.s. renjuns heart mends


End file.
